cuttin’ back…

…on the alcohol, that is.

I’ve never been a big drinker. I can, and have, gone months without alcohol. I’ll go through phases where I’m having a few drinks every weekend, with a few times where I move beyond slight tipsyness into damn-I’m-drunk, then I’ll go back to my barely drinking habits. Not that barely drinking is a conscious decision. I just don’t drink if I don’t feel like it and there are many times I don’t feel like it.

However, ever since my health sent me on a merry chase, finally settling into a slight anxiety disorder, my once high tolerance to alcohol has disappeared. On top of that, once I start feeling the least little bit tipsy (on the second drink, usually) I start to panic because the feeling brings back memories of my episodes. Only once have I been able to push past that and get a good drunk on, back on New Year’s Eve.

Oddly enough, even taking Ativan for my anxiety brings on the anxious, because sometimes it makes me feel a little floaty, which, yes, brings back episode memories and, thusly, the anxiety. I go to the Ativan well rarely (I think I’ve taken five or six doses since it was prescribed in January) , so it’s not as if I’m going to the floaty every day. But it’s distressing that the very thing that’s supposed to keep the anxiety at bay is contributing to it.

This is getting very annoying…


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