starting to calm down just a tiny bit…

…some of the fires in Southern California, I mean.

Many of them are still ferociously blazing, unfortunately: the worst of them in San Diego County, for instance. But apparently the winds are finally starting to die down in L.A County, allowing the firefighters to start to get an upper hand.

Many have said this, but it’s true: this is the worst fire season that I’ve ever seen. I’ve lived in Southern California since 1977 and many fire seasons have come and gone, but so many fires simultaneously springing up over such a wide area is unheard of in my recollection. When I first heard about how broad an expanse the various fires covered, my first thoughts were arson. It looks like that may be the case in several of the fires. These are the sorts of people who need to be strung up by their most sensitive body parts and left alive for a very long time.

No one I know has yet been affected, which is of the good, but I still feel for everyone who’s been affected. If y’all want to help out and haven’t done so yet, please do.

*************************

On a less positive (and far more cynical) note, while I’m happy that the folks in San Diego County who are being displaced have found shelter at Qualcomm – amongst other refuges – I am furious that this sort of coordination and level of help wasn’t available to the folks profoundly affected by Katrina. Granted, part of it is that the head of FEMA in 2005 was an idiot who didn’t have the first clue of how to organize a sock drawer, let alone such a vitally important federal emergency agency. The current FEMA chief comes from an emergency response background and shows signs of competence that is stunning for anyone appointed by Bush and Buddies.

However, that doesn’t excuse the continuing lack of attention paid by the federal government to the fine folks in New Orleans and the surrounding areas. There’s no reason why ALL the federal attention is going to the displaced in Southern California and none is being diverted to NO. Well, no good reason. The only other thing I come up with – besides FEMA being run by someone who knows a thing or two about fires – is that the areas hardest hit by the fires are in northern San Diego County. And if’n ya know anything that area, you know that the residents are, for the most part, rich, white and Republican.

Cynical? Perhaps. But being “governed” by those currently in the Executive Branch has engendered a definite cynicism where none previously existed. Besides which, I, like many others, have seen how this administration caters to the wealthy and Republican. It’s certainly not beyond the realm of probability. It would also explain why the only people really doing anything to help the Katrina-ravaged areas are those who live there. People who, for the most part, are not rich, are not Republicans, and are less white per capita than the population of NE San Diego.

Again, I am happy that the displaced have got quality shelter. But the federal government still needs to turn their attention back to the Gulf Coast.

We’re ALL American citizens, Bush and Co. Don’t you dare forget it again.

yeah, it’s still there…

…my heart, I mean.

Yesterday I went and had myself an echocardiogram. Not because anything new had developed, but just as a “Gotta Make Sure” measure. It lasted about half an hour and was pretty easy on my end, since all I had to do was lie on my left side, try not to shiver as the doctor smeared cold clear gel around my left breast and try to relax while the doctor kept pushing the echo transducer into my chest, following the trail of the now-skin-temperature gel. A few times it seemed she pushed the transducer so hard that I’d have bruising, but so far no bruising has developed.

It was actually pretty cool, trying to watch my heart beat on the monitor, seeing my valves open and close regularly and the blood rushing through. I’ve always been fascinated with what doctors and dentists do to my own body. When at the dentist, I like to keep my glasses on, if possible, and watch the action in the metal center of the light, which turns into a mirror if the light is reflected just right (which it usually is). Chances are if I ever had a triple bypass, I’d try to find a way to watch that. This despite the fact that I can be very squeamish and can’t watch anything graphic in movies or documentaries. I could never watch medical documentaries or even the graphic scenes on Nip/Tuck. Hell, I still haven’t seen the steak crawling scene from Poltergeist, even though I’ve seen that movie more times than I can count.

Anywho, good news: she said that everything looked okay to her, but it would be a couple of weeks before the full results would be known. Unless, of course, they saw something immediately that was concerning, in which case I’d get a call from my doctor. But I’m betting that nothing unusual will be found. Which is good, because it’s obvious that having a heart problem would really suck. But there is still a part of me that thinks, “Aha! If they find something physically wrong, then I’ll be vindicated.”

Yeah, I know.

However, it looks increasingly as if the diagnosis is a newly sprouted anxiety disorder. Whee! I’ve been coming to this conclusion as well, especially considering that recently I have felt anxious in situations that have not phased me in the past. Driving, for instance.

Since I don’t have a car, I don’t drive often. I have, however, rented cars in the past when needed and had no problems. Aside from the usual, “All drivers that aren’t me are idiots,” sort of frustration that pretty much every driver in L.A. feels, that is. But on the weekends of 1/13 and 1/20, when I’ve rented cars because I’ve been exceptionally busy, at least a few times while driving I felt some of the symptoms from November and December come back. Nothing bad, and not enough to distract me from my driving (though they did make the drives interminably long), but they were there nonetheless. And this time I really did feel as if it were anxiety that made an appearance, instead of my heart and head deciding to conspire against me.

So guess what I’ll be picking up tonight? Ativan. Oh fucking whee.

I don’t like pills. I take ibuprofen when needed, which is more than I’d like due to my bad neck, but I take the smallest dose I can get away with. I take vitamins when I remember to do so. But that part of me that thinks I should be able to “power through” my anxiety is highly annoyed that I have to resort to taking medication for it.

Don’t get me wrong. I have a number of friends who are taking or have taken medication for anxiety or panic disorders. I fully understand why they’re on such medication and am happy that it helps them out. I’ve seen great improvements in the quality of their lives.

But I still have remnants from my past that tell me I’m the strong one, I can take it, I don’t have to resort to chemical assistance to make my life better. It’s unreasonable, I know that. But there it is.

However, if this medication is going to help me, is going to keep me from experiencing such overwhelming anxiety that I swear I’m having a heart attack or that I’m going to faint while sitting at my desk at work, well, then I’ll take it according to the doctor’s orders, but make sure that I don’t become addicted to it. It’s going to be the lowest dose available, so I think I should be okay on that front.

Hey guys, I’m joining the Benzos club. G-d, I hope there’s no initiation…

the fuck-memes meme

I’m a sucker for a good meme, but sometimes you just have to say, “Fuck memes.” Unapologetically stolen from Karl Elvis, who yanked it from Shoeless:

Reply to this post, and I’ll tell you one or two (maybe even three) reasons why I hate you.

Then put this in your own journal, and spread the hate.

I love all of you so much that I hate you for making me love you.

(Except you, HSTeacher. I love loving you. Especially tonight… *growl*)

the fuck-memes meme

I’m a sucker for a good meme, but sometimes you just have to say, “Fuck memes.” Unapologetically stolen from Karl Elvis, who yanked it from Shoeless:

Reply to this post, and I’ll tell you one or two (maybe even three) reasons why I hate you.

Then put this in your own journal, and spread the hate.

I love all of you so much that I hate you for making me love you.

(Except you, HSTeacher. I love loving you. Especially tonight… *growl*)

update…

Sorry I’ve been gone two weeks. I’ve been in a whirl of busy!

Re: the delegate elections – no one on my slate was elected. We would have been were it not for our new assemblyman bascially backing the other slate and using his connections to get out voters who are part of a very cohesive ethnic community in my neck of the woods. I don’t fault anyone for that – such are the ways of politics. And as the head of our slate said, this assemblyman has been working for over a decade to enable his community to have a voice that they didn’t have in the past, so I can’t be upset about that.

There were, unfortunately, other forces at work that were a bit more unsavory. Forces that tried to stay hidden, forces that broke with the bylaws of the very groups they purported to represent. Alas, those too are the ways of politics.

Luckily, though the have-to-remain-unnamed forces won in my district (thanks to the assemblyman’s help), in other districts they were handily defeated, including the district where I used to live and where many of my political friends still reside and were elected. Even sweeter, two of the prime movers of those forces were roundly squashed in their own bids for delegate status. The bitter may be bitter, but oh, how the sweet does wonderfully make up for it.

Actually, I’m not too bitter about the results of my district. It happened. And now it’s time to move on. Move on I shall. Because there are other ways of influencing and revitalizing the Democratic Party.

update…

Sorry I’ve been gone two weeks. I’ve been in a whirl of busy!

Re: the delegate elections – no one on my slate was elected. We would have been were it not for our new assemblyman bascially backing the other slate and using his connections to get out voters who are part of a very cohesive ethnic community in my neck of the woods. I don’t fault anyone for that – such are the ways of politics. And as the head of our slate said, this assemblyman has been working for over a decade to enable his community to have a voice that they didn’t have in the past, so I can’t be upset about that.

There were, unfortunately, other forces at work that were a bit more unsavory. Forces that tried to stay hidden, forces that broke with the bylaws of the very groups they purported to represent. Alas, those too are the ways of politics.

Luckily, though the have-to-remain-unnamed forces won in my district (thanks to the assemblyman’s help), in other districts they were handily defeated, including the district where I used to live and where many of my political friends still reside and were elected. Even sweeter, two of the prime movers of those forces were roundly squashed in their own bids for delegate status. The bitter may be bitter, but oh, how the sweet does wonderfully make up for it.

Actually, I’m not too bitter about the results of my district. It happened. And now it’s time to move on. Move on I shall. Because there are other ways of influencing and revitalizing the Democratic Party.

flames on the side of my face, breathing, breath…

Christopher Hitchens is an ass.

I know this comes as no surprise to a number of y’all, but this time he has truly surpassed himself. Why? Because in the January 2007 Vanity Fair he deigns to explain to us, “Why Women Aren’t Funny.“

Granted, the name of the column is, “Provocation.” It is expected that what is written there is likely to raise more than a few hackles.

But this bilge? Please, girlfriend.

It’s not just that the premise from which Hitchens works is a faulty and patently disprovable one: in Hitchens’ world, while he admits there are many witty women, he goes on to imply that witty and funny are not related to one another. Which begs the question: why do both make people laugh?

It’s also that the “logic” which he uses is tenuous at best and laughable (hee?) at worst. It took me three tries to slog through the piece of crap he tries to pass off as insight into womens’ humor centers. I still don’t understand it. I think my brain automatically shuts off when presented with faulty “logic,” in an effort keep me from going all Nomad and self-destructing.

Hitchens can bite my shiny white ass.

(Hey, it ain’t exactly wit, but he don’t deserve my wit.)

flames on the side of my face, breathing, breath…

Christopher Hitchens is an ass.

I know this comes as no surprise to a number of y’all, but this time he has truly surpassed himself. Why? Because in the January 2007 Vanity Fair he deigns to explain to us, “Why Women Aren’t Funny.“

Granted, the name of the column is, “Provocation.” It is expected that what is written there is likely to raise more than a few hackles.

But this bilge? Please, girlfriend.

It’s not just that the premise from which Hitchens works is a faulty and patently disprovable one: in Hitchens’ world, while he admits there are many witty women, he goes on to imply that witty and funny are not related to one another. Which begs the question: why do both make people laugh?

It’s also that the “logic” which he uses is tenuous at best and laughable (hee?) at worst. It took me three tries to slog through the piece of crap he tries to pass off as insight into womens’ humor centers. I still don’t understand it. I think my brain automatically shuts off when presented with faulty “logic,” in an effort keep me from going all Nomad and self-destructing.

Hitchens can bite my shiny white ass.

(Hey, it ain’t exactly wit, but he don’t deserve my wit.)